So, I’ve moved.
Me and my grandmother at my goodbye party at Joe T Garcia’s in Fort Worth.
First of all, I apologize for the lapse in blogging. I’ve been busy, lame excuse, but really. You shall see. Also, I’ve been unemployed since my last company quickly, and rather unexpectedly crumbled. So, I posted my resume in place of my other posts, but no need to fear. I’m back. And I’m blogging in full force, check out a second site I put together with my two friends at http://twentysomethingnyc.com.
A year ago, if someone were to tell me that I would be dating my life-long best friend, would not have my dog anymore… (who I love, and miss, but she was really dictating my life), and that I would be living in New York City, I think I would’ve fainted. I would have not believed you in every way possibly of not believing that could ever happen. That wouldn’t happen to me. I wouldn’t allow myself to do that. It just wouldn’t happen.
Oh, but it did. And God is laughing at my former self for thinking I had any ounce of control in my plans. He’s laughing so loud I can hear him. I don’t blame him. I’m pretty stubborn.
What has led me to this point. A million pieces falling in the right place, and support from amazing friends and family.
Well, I was dating someone. He’s an ex. And he belongs there. We had a toxic relationship, and although I learned so much from it, I learned more than anything else, it wasn’t right for my life. Once that was over, it was time to hit the drawing board. I was working in Oklahoma City, for a company where I wasn’t moving in any direction but down. Sometimes God makes it ever so clear to you that you’re in the wrong spot at the wrong time. And I felt that way for the last few months I was in Oklahoma City. Although I love the place so much, and truly think it’s one of the best spots in the world… I knew I wasn’t supposed to be there at that time.
So then, not shortly after my best friend of about 7 or so years (maybe 6ish) came back from law school and told me he liked me in so many words, and the truth was I liked him too. Actually, he said, “Are you ever going to acknowledge this sexual tension between us?” And I howled forward, turned beat red, and almost fell out of my chair in laughter and embarrassment. I mean after so many years I was very sick of pretending I didn’t think he was cute. And he called me out on it, which was hilarious because only he could do that.
I remember a very distinct moment about 6 or 7 years earlier when he and I were sitting at a bar after class in Oxford, England (we studied abroad), and we were debating about something (who knows…) and I remember thinking no matter what I do I have a feeling I’m going to end up with him. And I fought that feeling of effortless like a child trying to pull two magnets apart. It’s okay, he fought that too. But truthfully, sometimes, actually, always, you should follow that feeling of feeling like you’re made for someone. When we finally kissed for the first time, it truly felt like fireworks or something I can’t even describe. I think my exact response was an ecstatic, “Ohmygawd, that’s what I’ve been missing? Why didn’t you tell me you were a good kisser?” So now it’s all kind of hilarious. I feel dumb for not listening to myself sooner, but am so grateful that I, and he, finally came around. It really caused a stir in my college community, because they knew us, but they knew us as best friends who just hung out all the time. Hehehe…
So from there, we started dating. I was still in Oklahoma City. He was not in OKC. This was okay because I kind of felt like I needed to pull my life together on my own, or at least not dependent on a man. Yeah, I’m cliche like that.
Then because of a PR catastrophe initiated by my former boss on a trip to India — see HERE, the company quickly crumbled and I was let go along with everyone else on the staff except for one person. This was okay, because one time he told me I was so dumb that I was blowing his mind, and about a billion other negative things. I’m like hey, buddy, I was an honors student you asshole. I’m new. I’m trying. I’m learning…blah blah blah, it didn’t matter. He hated me, it was the wrong fit, and I was very ready to be and feel productive again. In a moment of weakness he called me and asked me to work for him again saying, “you seem hungrier than anyone else, so I thought I’d give you this opportunity again.” I was like “uhm, yes, I’m starving for opportunity, but not abuse so… this is awkward”. And that’s how I ended the second most abusing relationship in my life.
I managed to escape my lease, which was a relief to my roommates there because we never became all that close, and they replaced me with someone who was much more in their circle. I left for home, back to Texas, to regroup and figure my shit out. But by this time, it was clear I was finally going to move to a place I’ve wanted to be for as long as I could ever remember. The fact that I’m sitting here writing is enough to make me tear up. This is my dream. This is my purpose, even if I fail a million times trying to write here, I’m doing what I have always, always wanted to do.
So I went home, ran to mom and pop, and they accepted me… even though I’m twenty-five, and should probably be on my own at this point. There is no better feeling than coming home, broken, beaten, and bruised and having your parents hug you while you fight back failure and tears of defeat. It doesn’t take long though before they remind you that they have a place for you to eternally live in the basement, which kind of scares the hell out of your personal life, so I knew that wasn’t an option and that I’d be back strong again in no time.
Luckily, we had a family trip already scheduled to Italy. Originally I thought I was going to have to work while I was there, but instead thanks to the catastrophic melt down that happened to my last company, I was able to take Italy for what it was. I’ll have to write about it. It deserves much more than a paragraph. It almost deserves a book. Not only did I gain 20 pounds in wine and cheese, but learned my weight in family, and friendship, and just life in general, really.
Feeling like a diva in Positano!
So, I returned from Italy. I sold everything I own, almost, on Craigslist prior to leaving OKC. My parents still have a very large room filled with my things, but I packed two suitcases, and after some maneuvering, managed to make contact with my Godmother’s brother… who is now more like a Godfather, who said I could stay at his apt, where he only lived about one week a month, while I searched for work and he wouldn’t charge me. I owe this man, as well as my parents, about a million thank you’s.
Although I interviewed with some super exciting companies, and even received an offer from another startup, my Godfather’s company gave me a great offer. Not to mention, the people at the company already feel like family after the second interview. I start next week, and can’t wait.
As far as the roommate situation goes, I’m waiting to hear back from an application for a place on East 39th. And my roommate, Brandi, arrives today. I hope she likes the space, I did a whole lot of groundwork and went through four brokers, three of which probably hate my guts for wasting their time. We’re splitting a one bedroom that is $3200 a month. We’re also renting out our living room to a fashion student who is also moving here… so that will lower rent significantly as well.
Now, as for the boy, he just finished the bar, and is moving here in about a month. After about 7 months of dating we will finally be in the same location. I think we talk for an average of about 2 hours a day. I truly wonder if we can keep that up when we’re in the same location. That would be impressive. We will have to see…
So there we are, that’s what I’ve been up to in a not-so-short brief. I’m hoping I can go into more detail about Italy and about NYC, but for now… that is where I have been and what I’ve been up to. It has been a tightrope act of hard and wonderful all at the same time. For the first time ever though, I finally, finally, finally feel like I’m at the right place, at the right time. I can’t wait to see what happens.
In the meantime… here is what I get to look at every day, and here is what I’ve been up to in oh-so many pictures. I hope you love it as much as I do.
The night view from my place!
me and my friend… celebrating Gay Pride above.
Taken while walking to my friend Vani’s house… I have to pass through Times Square every time.
from my Godfather’s apt.
more Times Square.
An everyday pic of the sidewalk.
taken while feeling patriotic on a booze cruise…
instagramed from the booze cruise :)
New York, New York
Lady Liberty at her finest.
On the rooftop at the Met.
from Vani’s rooftop.
@ Central Park, Sheep’s Meadow, one of my favorite places.